junebuggy

i have so much to say

but everything's bogged down with this life i've tied myself to.

because really

i'm just trying to figure out where i'm supposed to be.

every time i catch a glimpse of it, i try and run after it the best i know how.  but i've lost it again.

i can't forget (to begin to explain

sun, moon, stars, rain)

to write about all the pieces of the puzzle i'm putting together.

i have nine months to pull it together again.

this post is so sporadic.  it will probably make less than no sense when i roll out of bed and review it the day after tomorrow (because i won't be sleeping tonight).

there is so much going on and i don't have the energy to write it all down in one cohesive block.  buti have nine months to pull it together.  i've been in classes all year... a solid nine months now, and i don't feel like i've got a damn thing figured out anymore.  if anything, i feel like i've lost a solid few things that had held me together this whole time:  i've dropped him and i've dropped her and i've left the home i built over the last eleven years... a home that was never actually my physical home, but the home and the hubbub and the community of people i surrounded myself with.  i've managed to dig out the thing that i was certain were bringing me down (and admittedly, i let them).  i left the old adage at the door... the one that says "keep your friends close but your enemies closer".  i don't have any more enemies... i think i'm my biggest one if anything... i don't know.

sporadic post.

nothing's making sense.

i've got a total of four hours of sleep over the last forty hours and i've downed damn near ten cups of coffee to keep me going.  i won't be sleeping for the next.... fifteen.  shit.

what has happened to me.

when i used to pull all nighters, it used to be fun.

and now the blogging will begin.

because i've got to find some sort of way to keep track of what i'm figuring out... right?

because yelling at dead people is generally regarded as going insane.