my stomach hurts, but god damn, i can’t feel a thing today. it’s been three days since yesterday as far as i can remember and it will take forever for tomorrow to hit. i can’t seem to find enough time between right now and tonight, and i think my hours are slipping far too soon and far too much for their own good. i’ve been spending the days praying and saying and hoping i’ll do better than before (but this time around i can’t seem to match everyone's hand and it's not always in the game we're playing) and god damn today.

i haven't run out of things to say, just the quiet will to type it out. energy cost's more than two fifty.

vivaces again

one of those heart-jumping-to-the-throat afternoons.. the kind where i let my mind slip for a good couple hours: cleaning, cooking, and searching aimlessly. the kind where when i finally return to my place in reality, a part of my absentminded world comes dragging down with the rest of me.
and i start to see you.
not really you, though.
him..her..you..them.... someone of anyone who shares any remotely similar characteristics to someone i knew (someone who they really are not).
and i know it's not you or him or her or any of them for that matter. i know there are people from the past that i'll probably never see again, and they tend to be the ones i see the most. the ones it's probably better to never run into again, you know? it's hard to explain. i't not a hallucination. no..not by any means. it's not a deep desire or longing that plays tricks on my mind, either.
i guess my mind always runs ten different directions of "what if..." and my imagination gets the best of me.
and it was one of those heart-jumping-to-the-throat sort of afternoons. one of those quick-to-panic modes where the "what if" and his striking similarities caught me off guard. but it wasn't anyone i knew. not really, anyway.








erm. it's probably fair to point out at this point that the person i thought i saw earlier today doesn't have a myspace/facebook/blog of any sort, and is, in fact, on the other side of the planet. so don't worry or get your hopes up or anything, dear readers.

live it up.

it's been a lazy night slumming from vivace's to the cha. worries have been killing me as of late, and i can't help but think that maybe it's a good thing. maybe we need to really chill the fuck out and kill all the things that stress us up to our knees and our chins and back down to our ankles.

maybe everthing any anything we've heard about what we should and shouldn't do has been wrong. who cares if we draw moustaches on our faces before midnight and parade it down pike and broadway? what does it matter if we're still climbing up street signs just to mark our names higher than the sucker before us? who cares when we shout as loud as we possibly can? because really, what are they going to do? yes, there's some truth and wisdom to this. everything and anything we've been told to do and how to act as good girls has been wrong. everything and anything we've been told to dow and how to act improperly has been wrong as well.

there's no explanation for existence.
we're still just a bunch of twenty-something girls trying to figure out how to live and breath and think just a moment longer than the last. here's to a pretty damn good life.


and here's to a lovely picture of my roommate sara, who i absolutely adore.