wide open spaces

do you remember that song? i think it was the dixie chick's first big hit: "wide open spaces"... and it went on "....room to make her big mistakes. she needs new places. she knows the highest stakes..." god. i think that was one of the first songs i remember falling in love with. and my love for the dixie chicks runs a lot deeper than i'd ever imagined.

i'm sitting at a starbucks in sumner sipping on a lukewarm americano (pulled from the mastrena machines they're putting in... and it's not bad for an automatic... i'll spare the details of the extraction of the espresso..). and i can see myself moving here. i know i know i know i take a long time to make a final decision, and i know this is what ultimately pulled me away from jumping into a cheaper living situation with some friends who were moving into a house on the hill in seattle.
and i will always love seattle, too. the kitchy way the chacha is set up, and how that bar never makes excellent drinks... and how all the kids dress like they're something different... so much so that they all look the same i guess. but i think when i finally move again (and i know it will be soon enough).... i think... i think i might end up moving to sumner. it's a good thirty-something miles away from seattle, but it's close to the 167 and close enough to the interstate... it has a train station with plenty of quick stops to seattle and enough bus routes to get me where i need to go if i need to get far.

but here.... the buildings aren't surrounding my view. i don't have to just look up to see the sky, either. i can see all the trees you're supposed to see when you land yourself in washington, and the town has something like an old navy all american feel to it with its local high school and itty-bitty downtown....shopping center...farms...it's cute.

i stick out like a sore thumb with my tattoos and this dumb sweater i've had since i was sixteen.

but i feel real again. i feel closer to the sky when i'm here, and i'm sitting in the middle of the valley.
i feel the wide and the open and all the spaces i need to grow up a little bit, but i'm nowhere near trapped form eveyrthing i need when i suspect i will need it.
home isn't too far away either.

but i guess everywehre i've been landing lately is turning a little bit more into a makeshift home..and my soul is striving to believe in something again, because i know i'm starting to wake up to work...and all that's doing is making me work to wake up.
i remember waking up to live, and i know these days are getting harder than i'll ever admit.

i can breathe here.
i'm closer to the sky.
i have a desire to desire to dream again like i did when i didn't think about what would stop me.
i can dream here.
and i think i can really live to dream again.
i think i'm swinging back into the hollow of love that i fell out of.