outlaw, baby.

and i still think i see him.

it was always like this when he was still alive... because he was the sort of guy that wanted to do every last thing. i didn't know him as well as most of the other people in his life, but i silently cherished the secrets i was privileged enough to hear (the sort of secrets that began with "i don't tell people this but..." or "i don't talk about this all the time but..." and of course: "anyone will tell you i act different around you because...").
and i knew he wanted to try everything.
and i used to see him around federal way
here and there
like the time we laughed when i announced to the federal way barnes and noble just how crazy i was when i was little.
we hadn't spoken for months before that.
but i used to see him around
and i'd always do a double take when i thought i saw him anywhere else besides federal way.

and i still take that fucking double take.

i wish he didn't do it because a part of her is missing
and coincidentally
through that
so am i.